This Weekend

Here is a picture of the Seattle Temple I took on Friday night. I like it. When Ken and I go to the temple we bring Nicole and Matthew with us to wait in the waiting room. They get about 2 hours to feel a special spirit you can only feel from the temple. While Ken and I were there on Friday, they took my camara and went outside for a photo shoot. Among the blury sideways pictures and the ones taken of the inside of one of my child's mouth (who shall remain nameless) this picture was present. One of the kids put their scriptures in her lap and took the photo. I LOVE IT.

I put this puzzle together last night while the guys were at the priesthood session of conference. They decided to drive up to my brother's ward in Chinook. So I had an extra hour to work on it, after I took my nap. I really LOVE this guy.
I also love this guy. He said he didn't mind if I posted this picture, but he was concerned about the caption I might tag to it. Taking the whole photo into consideration...my dad acting--'special' and my brother behind him not really knowing what's going on, I'm taking suggestions for possible captions to add to this picture. I'll start with a comment that he would say to us often, maybe not with this expression, but according to my teenage mind fits the question...

Say WHAT?

Brains!!! Need more brains!!!--Kate

Did anyone else go to the store yesterday between sessions or after 2nd session and feel like they were breaking the sabbath?

Grown Up + Graduation = Kindergarten!

Today after church Nicole and I drove over to Kent to see my sister, Heather graduate from College. She got a Bachelors in Education and hopes to aspire to be a Kindergarten teacher someday soon. Here are a couple of pictures taken at the park after the graduation. CONGRATULATIONS HEATHER! I love you!

The rest of the story

Thank you to all my friends that have called me, written me, prayed for me, commented on my blog, and sent me messages on facebook.

Your support has carried me the last couple of weeks and I am grateful.

This post if mostly for journaling purposes. If you don't enjoy looking at pictures of caskets then you may want to wait until I post again. Either way, thanks for stopping by.

My mom's funeral was on March 3, 2010 at 11am in Bremerton, WA at the LDS Church on Perry Ave. She was layed to rest after the service at Mountain View Cemetery in Silverdale, WA. It was well attended.

Pallbearers from L to R: Adam Anderson, Barry Sams, Larry Graves, Farrell James, Garen Anderson, Kyle Anderson, Ken Cheney, Ryan Anderson

My family with my dad.

In Loving Memory

In loving memory of Robert Kenneth Cheney. January 10, 2002. 1:35pm to 3:15pm. He would be 8 years old. FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!

Random Christmas Pictures...

Animal pulled the corner of this fabric out from under the table so he would have a spot to lay down. He also knocked the sheep over on the nativity scene. He is naughty.
The lovely gifts waiting to be discovered. Santa was rude this year. He only filled stockings and he gave the kids electric toothbrushes. The best part was they didn't believe me when I told them that was all they were getting from him! MUHAHAHA!I LOVE LOVE LOVE bedhead pictures and they are even better when the person is still tired. Matthew bought this white board for Nicole and I think her ink is almost dried out she's used it so much.

Matthew enjoys the Magic Tree Houses series. He was happy to get these. This year our Christmas was small and very personal. We didn't buy gifts just so the kids would have a few more things to unwrap. We went slow, laughed and enjoyed unwrapping each gift, and when that part of the day was over we were thankful for what we received and had tons of fun playing and sharing.

I felt the spirit of Christ this Christmas stronger than I ever have before. I hope to be able to replicate it in Christmases to come. I hope all of you have a wonderful day too.

Sign on Nicole's Door

I don't really know who she put the sign up for, but I like it.

Feeling Crafty

We had an enrichment night a weeks ago and painted these blocks say 'Family'.  Often times, I'll walk by the piano and see other words spelled out of these blocks...there is always room for sarcasm.

We had our friends, the Drapers over for Thanksgiving Dinner and when they left, David had spelled the word 'filyma'.  Good times!

Ken's birthday cake.

Ken turned 32 on 11-15. We made his cake.  The kids 'designed' it after looking through a cupcake decorating book.  It was fun to decorate and it tasted good.

12 years of AwSoMeNeSs!!!

Today Ken and I have been married for 12 years. It is hard to believe that we have made it that far and it's also easy to see that we have. Sometimes our wedding day feel like it was just yesterday and other times I feel like it was 50 years ago. The only reason I can tell you that is because I know pretty much every married couple has had both emotions. Luckily for me, I feel like it was just yesterday A LOT more often that I feel the other way.
I know this picture is a rerun but I LOVE IT!

In honor of 12 years married, here are a few fun facts about US!

*We stole salt and pepper shakers from The Old Spaghetti Factory in Seattle, WA the first time we went there. We were with my sister, Heather. After about 4 years of holding said shakers hostage, I confessed to a manager and asked if we could pay for them. He said no, and told us to buy a dessert and we'd be square. I don't know how that can be the case, but we did and my conscience is clear-er now.ps, the reason we stole them in the first place is because we thought they looked like Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper from Blues Clues. Today, the kids don't watch that show anymore and ironically, we don't use the shakers either.

*In 1 day Ken and I ate breakfast is Lehi, Utah, lunch in Newport Beach, California, and Dinner in Bremerton, WA. We were tired when we finally got home.

*This is our 12th anniversary and our 5th that we have actually spent in the same state and or town. For many years I was working summers with my parents and I had jobs away from home over our anniversary. Our reasoning then and our belief now is still the same...it's okay if we aren't together on the 9th of August every year. Although that is our anniversary, we love each other every day and don't need 1 special day to celebrate it.

*We take a separate vacation every year in July. Typically Ken goes and visits with his family and in years past I have gone and spent that time with my family. For many it wouldn't work out, but for us it does and we look forward to that time. Let it be known that we also go on vacations together every year as well.

So often when people find out how we met, they want to know the whole story with all the details...In honor of 12 years, I'll tell all my reading audience...

When I was a senior in HS, Ken was a Full Time Missionary for our church. Missionaries are not allowed to date while they are serving and I wasn't interested in that anyway. The first time I saw him, we were sitting in Sacrament Meeting on a Fast Sunday and he stood up to bear his testimony. The first things he said were, 'Hi, My name is Elder Cheney. I'm from Provo, Utah, please don't hold it against me.' At that moment, the spirit whispered to me, 'you're going to marry him.' My response back (in my head) was, 'what about him companion? He's really cute!'

After I had this experience I non chalantly asked my Mom if we could have the Elders over for dinner. She agreed and we signed up only to have them cancel the night before they were supposed to come to our home. When they canceled, we didn't invite them again for over 4 months. During this time I continued with HS and taught my Primary Class every week. Occasionally the missionaries came in for Sharing Time, but Ken and I never had 1 conversation.

About 4 months later, Ken and his new companion approached us, asking us to sign the dinner calendar. My mom did and they came over later that week. I was so NERVOUS!! For no good reason. Beside the one thought I had 4 months earlier, there was no indication that he even knew who I was and if he didn't, that would have been completely appropriate since he was a missionary!

They ate dinner with us. My parents videoed them so they could send home a tape to each of their families. Garen and Adam, 2 of my little brothers, agreed to go on splits with them. (Splits is when 2 non-missionaries volunteer to work the full time missionaries so they can creat 2 companionships and cover more area. They now call it exchanges.)

A couple weeks later, after Garen had been hanging around with them A LOT, he announced one afternoon, 'Elder Cheney said when he gets home off his mission, he's going to come back and date Dedra.' I WAS FLOORED! How many times in a girl's life is she certain she's going to marry a certain boy? ESPECIALLY in HS? Since my experience in the dating department was being friends with my guy friends and not being the girlfriend, it would be putting it mildly that I was nervous and didn't really know how to respond.

After this announcement was made, I told my mom about the experience I had when Ken was first transfered into our ward. Shortly after that, Ken had written me a long letter that was kind of a getting to know you letter. I wrote one back. He gave me a picture of himself and wrote me a lovely little poem. I said thank you and giggled a lot. While he was in our area, I graduated from HS, started working my PT job FT and we wrote letter back and forth, even though he was in my ward.

Near the end of his time in Bremerton, I started having trouble with gall-bladder, but couldn't have surgery since my insurance hadn't kicked in yet at Fred Meyer. I was off work for about 10 days, which allowed me more time to know Ken, as a missionary. I was able to drive them to appointments when my brother was on splits. On a p-day they came to our home to do laundry. 2 days after he went to a new area, I went back to work.

That was all! We wrote a couple letters back and forth and then he got a new Mission President who wouldn't allow us to converse. We spoke on the phone I think 3 times for about 5 minutes each time...he was calling to talk to my Mom and I answered the phone. All of our communication ended in July 1996.

We did see each other 1 more time before he went home but I don't really remember it. I had my Gall Bladder out in October of '96 and he in town for a Zone or District Conference. My mom was at the church dropping something off and saw him. He got permission from his president to come to the hospital and give me a blessing. That took place approx. 40 minutes after I was woken up from being under general anestesia.

Ken got home from his mission January 1997. My mom had been in contact with his mom and she had volunteered to cater his homecoming party, so we went to Utah very shortly after he got home.

January 24 was our first date. I was really sick when he arrived to pick me up but I went anyway. We went out with Ken's friends, the Darringtons, now our friends, along with a few other people that I don't remember. We went ot Mexican, my favorite, but I was too sick to eat. I had a temperature over 100 degrees and secretly just wanted to go home. After dinner, we drove around looking for something to do, the bowling alley was packed so we went back to Randy's parents house...they were out of town. Everyone started doing their own thing, so Ken and I left and went back to his hose and watched a movie with his parents.

The next night we doubled with his Brother and Sister in Law, Brian and Susi. Went to the movie, 'That Thing You Do' at the dollar theater in Provo.

The next night was his homecoming talk at church and his homecoming party that night at his home. That night we played phase 10 with 6 other people and ate a lot of good food. When he drove me back to the house we were staying at that night, I told him that I got my temple recommend but didn't have a date set yet. He told me that night that he'd fly up when I went through. While he was driving me home that night, he ran a red light ON PURPOSE and I told myself when I got out of the car I could never marry him.

The next morning I flew back home and we talked on the phone every night. I set my temple date on February 15 and flew in on the 12th. On the 14th we ate dinner together at Heather and Farrell's house. He spent the night in my parent's living room and the next morning I went through the temple. On the 16th, we went to church together in my ward, the ward he served in. That night around 10 we went for a walk around my neighborhood and down to Lion Field, about a mile away...

This is how our engagement came to be...We were walking and talking and it was mostly Ken doing the talking. He was saying things like...I don't want to be engaged a very long time. I'd like to start a family soon. I think I'll probably live in Washington. I don't want my wife to have to work after the kids get here. I think getting married in Seattle would be perfect. Finally I asked him, 'are we engaged?' His reply??? 'Yeah, I guess so.' YOU CALL THAT AN ENGAGEMENT? HMPH! But that is how it went and we were engaged that night. We got home around midnight and since it wasn't Sunday anymore, we went to Shari's the celebrate. The next day we set our wedding date. He called his mom and told her he was moving back to Washington, and 3 1/2 weeks later, he did. He lived with my sister, Wendi and her family while we were engaged except for a short week or so where he stayed with Heather and Farrell...but they moved out of their hosue.

August 9th, we got married in the Seattle Temple. I was 19, he was 21 and had been home from his mission a short 7 months. We lost our clutch in my clunker car on the way home from Bellevue, so we ended up piling Ken and me, the Darringtons--Jessie was 8 1/2 months pregnant, along with Mom and Dad and 4 siblings into their car and drove home on one of the hottest days of the year with no AC. It was AWESOME.

and that's our story...12 years later, I wouldn't change any of it. I LOVE YOU KEN!!

Something I feel like I should share

Have you ever had an experience in your life, where you are not ashamed or embarrassed of it, but you feel like it doesn't really need to be completely disclosed to everyone you know?

This weekend was stake conference for our ward/stake. I had a lot of time to think while we were traveling each way to the stake center on Saturday & Sunday (85 miles one way).

We had our area authority Elder Randy D. Funk attend our conference this weekend. Before the adult session on Saturday night, all the Elders Quorum Presidents and their wives were invited to eat dinner with him in the Relief Society room, along with the Stake Presidency & the Stake RS President. Ken and I were privileged to be among the few in attendance. Just eating in the same room as this man brought the spirit and it was a nice prelude to a great meeting that evening.

While sitting in the evening session I felt like I needed to write down my testimony. I’ve done that several times through out my life and as I started to write it during a musical number I felt like I needed to share more than I already have.

In order for a person to know me a little better and to get a glimpse of WHY I believe something and why I LOVE the church and was it stands for, I need to share with you the story of my 3rd child, Robert. I wasn’t sure this was the proper medium to share such a special experience, but as I have thought more about it, I know this is where I am supposed to share “my story”.

From March 2001 to May 2002 we lived in Orem, Utah. We weren’t really sure why we made the decision to move there. It was for sure a shotgun move. When I became pregnant with our 3rd baby, we were grateful to be there because the neonatal care in the Salt Lake Valley is the best in the country.

On October 31, 2001 I was scheduled for my routine ultrasound to find out the sex of our growing baby and of course to make sure s/he was developing correctly. I’m ashamed to tell you right off that I knew we would never have a child with any kind of “problem” so everything except the finding out the sex was just something we had to go through. How silly of me, I know.

As the Ultrasound Tech was looking at the baby, I felt it was taking longer than normal. I didn’t say anything, I just waited patiently for her to reveal the important part—are we having a girl or a boy?! After a while she told Ken and I that she was having a problem seeing the baby’s heart clearly but it looked like there could be a hole in her heart. She also told us that she had a bilateral cleft lip and it appeared that her foot was clubbed. The best news we got from this meeting was, it baby is a girl! Before we left, she let us know that except for the cleft lip, everything else was just speculation. She made an appointment for us to go to UVRMC in Provo, and meet with a perinatologist and to get another ultrasound—THE NEXT DAY. (The official definition of a perinatologist is an obstetrical sub-specialist concerned with the care of the mother and fetus at higher-than-normal risk for complications.) After that appointment, I went home SICK and convinced myself that the only problem with our sweet little girl was a cleft lip with possible palette and that was easily fixable.

The next morning I arrived early to my appt. in Provo and waited patiently. When the Dr. called me in I got on the table and he went right to work performing my ultrasound. He looked for a while and then started talking about terms I never thought I’d hear a Dr. talk to me about…Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18, amniocentesis, I think I quit listening before he quit talking. He wanted to do an amniocentesis TODAY, and I had 5 minutes to decide if I wanted one or not.

At the time we only had a cell phone and I was selfish that morning and took it with me, so when I had to make this decision I couldn’t call the one person who needed to know what was going on the most—KEN. I had to call someone else to help me make the decision. Of course my 2nd choice was to call my Mom. I am so thankful she was there, but I also feel bad that she found out before Ken what was going on. Anyway, when she answered the phone, I told her through constant sobbing that the baby was really sick and they needed to do an amniocentesis, but I couldn’t tell them to do it on my own. I had to have somebody tell me it was okay to go through it and my Mom was there for me. She also told me to get a blessing before they did it.

Reason # 73 why we were supposed to be in Utah during this time of our life, all I had to do was tell my Dr. I needed a blessing and 2 minutes later 2 guys with oil showed up and gave me one. In that blessing I was promised that I would not lose the baby because of the procedure I had elected to have AND that from this baby I would be able to see how much Heavenly Father loves me. I had my amniocentesis, and 10 days later I learned that the baby did not have Trisomy 13, 18 OR 21. Instead she had her own special brand of genetic problem, partial Trisomy X—Monosomy 14. I’ll explain what these terms mean in a moment. The other thing we found out was that we were indeed having a BOY. He for sure had the Y Chromosome.

Everyone has 2 of each chromosome except for the sex chromosome in males. 1-22 have 2 of each and they are “married” or stuck to each other. Females have 2 X chromosomes and Males have 1 X and 1 Y. When a baby is made, if the sperm has an X chromosome, the baby is a girl, of it has a Y chromosome, it’s a boy. The mother can only contribute an X sex chromosome. A trisomy is when you have an extra chormosome. Down Syndrome is 3 #21 Chormosomes. I, Dedra Charlet Anderson Cheney, have translocated chromosomes. That means my X and my 14 chromosomes are NOT married correctly. (They are social.) I have 1 ½ X and ½ a 14, and then I have 1 ½ 14 and ½ an X. Confused? So sorry! Robert, had an extra ½ an X and was missing ½ of a 14. My specialist Dr’s had never seen this specific case before, so we made medical history.

This also meant that there was little information for Ken and I to read up on. Throughout the next few weeks, we met with every kind of baby specialist I never knew existed. 2 echo cardio grams, more than 50 ultrasounds, surgical specialists and so on. Time moved very slowly as we inched our way closer to the day our baby would be born and we would be living at the hospital while he had surgeries and recovered. In the back of my mind I knew he would probably never come home, but I could not say that out loud. So while Ken and I grew closer as a couple and loved our kids more than ever before, I also found all my baby boy clothes that I would need, washed the infant seat cover and planned a funeral.

Fast forward to January 2002. Each day after my routine ultrasound, I called my Mom, my Dad & my sister Heather and updated them. On the 8th my Dad told me he was sending my Mom the next day so she would be here when the baby was born and I was ANGRY!! The baby was not due for another 10 days or so and I was not showing any sign of having him sooner. Ken dropped me off at the hospital on the 9th and went to the airport. While he was gone, my Dr told me that my blood pressure had spiked to 376/234 and that every hour I stayed pregnant, increased the chance of a stillbirth and that I needed to have the baby today. I told her that was impossible, my Dad wasn’t in town yet. For the first time, I was also spoken to about my expectations concerning the health and vitality of my baby. When she asked me how I felt about having the baby I told her I was scared because I didn’t think he was going to live very long, and she replied, “Neither do I.”

They put me on Magnesium Sulfate (something to bring my BP down and I don’t know what else) and waited for Ken and my Mom and Sister to arrive. When they got there, Dr came into the room and told them the same thing she told me about needing to have the baby and then said I’d need to be transported to SLC and the University of Utah. Ken said he’d get the car ready and Dr said I wouldn’t be going by car, I was at a high risk of seizures because of my BP. She then said I’d be life flighted to U of U by helicopter. Heather then said, “Can I ride with her?” Dr looked at her funny and said No.

Within the hour I was moved to SLC and my Dad had been called to get to Utah NOW. We also made arrangements with the Drs to have the baby the next day so my Dad could be at the hospital.


The night was long with a lot of Dr. visits. One that still comes to mind was when a med student came into my room to look at my chart. I told him he’d want to study my case closely because they don’t along like very often. His only reply was, “You aren’t a case, you are a family.” I just started crying, thanked him and agreed. He’ll be a good Dr.

My Dad got into town early Thursday morning. Once he was in Salt Lake Valley, they started pitocin and I progressed to a 4. Then they gave am an epidural and I went from 4 to baby in 43 minutes. Robert Kenneth Cheney was born on January 10, 2002 at 1:47 pm and died 1 hour and 47 minutes later. During that time, Ken and my Dad gave him a name and blessing. In that same blessing he was released from this life. During that time, I watched him take his only breaths, I saw him smile, and he was held and loved by his 4 grandparents, Kent & Charlet Anderson and Keith and Cheryll Cheney. He was also held by his aunt Heather. Ken and I held him the whole time he was alive and he died in my arms.

I was moved to an area of the hospital that was for mothers who didn’t get to keep their babies in this life. I had serious complications through the night but I was stable by mid morning and they released me so I could get to the mortuary.

At the mortuary we let the Funeral Director know that my Dad and brother Adam had built Robert’s casket, our friend Judy Richards had lined it and made his outfit and the Ken and I would dress him, then we’d drive him back to Bremerton, WA in our car for his funeral and burial. We did just that.

Robert was buried on a freezing cold Thursday in January—the 17th, in Bremerton WA. Our dear friends, Pam and Bob Sommer, (Robert is named after "Brother Bob") transported him in their van from the church to the cemetery after a funeral that had more than 100 people in attendance. How thankful I was and I still am for all the support we received from friends and family.

Ken flew home to Utah 3 days later because of bad snow in the passes. My Mom drove the kids and me home 4 days after that. She stayed for about a week.

While Ken was home by himself he had a lot of time to think. On the way home I was talking to Ken on the phone and he asked me what I thought about him becoming a Funeral Director/Embalmer. I hated the idea for 2 seconds, then I was all for it.

When I got home we started researching Funeral Service, and we found out you had to do your apprenticeship before your school. I sent resumes all over Utah and Washington. Within 2 months he was offered an apprenticeship in Sunnyside, WA, only 4 hours from Robert’s grave and my family. His pay was $5 more an hour than the standard apprentice. We were truly being blessed. Just as getting his apprenticeship was fairly easy; he also had an easy time getting into school. We truly have been blessed.

Now is the time that I could easily tell you of all the heartache our family has suffered through because of the death of a child, but I’d rather tell you that I LOVE my family, Jesus Christ, and his church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Its focus is on families.

Ken and I were married in the temple. Because of this choice I KNOW we will be married for eternity and that our kids are our kids throughout eternity as well. I feel blessed to know that I will get to raise Robert after I die as long as I live my life according to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I LOVE the Book of Mormon and the Bible. The scriptures are amazing!! I’ve never gone to them and not found an answer to my questions or concerns.

I am thankful for Joseph Smith who translated the Book of Mormon and organized the church in this dispensation.

I will always have a special spot in my heart Gordon B Hinckley—the prophet during my teenage years and 10 years of being married woman, the time that my testimony started to grow and now is firmly planted.

I love Thomas S Monson, our current prophet as well. I know the church is in good hands.

I am thankful for my friends and family. Each one of you who is reading this had helped me in some way to get out of bed on a bad day, to smile when I just wanted to cry. You have let me hold your babies and not been offended when I didn’t want to. You have hugged me on the anniversary date, brought our family dinner, and not been offended when you easily could have been because of my lack of return in a friendship. I’m sorry to those of you who got that end of the bargain.

This January will be 7 years since the death of our 3rd child. As much as we want to have more kids and have gone through several fertility treatments to become pregnant, that is not in Heavenly Father’s plan for us at this time.
Now I try to make each day a memory for my kids. I am preparing for the future phases my kids will go through but I’m not trying to grow them up. I just thank Heavenly Father each day for Nicole & Matthew and the opportunity I have to be a mother on earth and to raise these 2 fantastic children. They help and teach me so much everyday. All I can say is that I am thankful.