One Year Ago Today...

Ken was offered a job in Lacey, Washington. As soon as I found out I tried to call my mom. She was convinced that we would be moving to Port Angeles. It didn't matter what I told her, she couldn't remember it. She lacked the oxygen...literally.

I tried to call her at 11 am CST and she was asleep still.

I tried to call her at 3:30 pm CST and she was asleep again.

I tried calling again at 5:30 CAT and she was resting.

I spoke to my Dad on the way home from his commute and our call was interrupted 3 times from Kyle. Mom was giving him a difficult time. I told him I was going to try to call her since she was finally awake and he said not to because she wasn't feeling well. 

Dad got home from work and had to call an ambulance to get my mom to the hospital. She was refusing to wear her oxygen. He called me and asked me to call Kyle and help him calm down. (Kyle was nervous)

I called him and then called Gina and told her to call him. I was no good at calming Kyle down. 

Dad called me about an hour after that, for what I assumed was a progress report. Instead of saying, She's stable and going to sleep at the hospital tonight he said, 'I don't think your Mother is going to make it through the night.' I did not compute what he was saying. It didn't make any sense. Then his cell phone cut out.  About  20 minutes later I got a call from 'Brother Bob,' a man from church I've known since I was 12 years old. He called to give me more information about Mom. Even after he gave me the information a second time I didn't believe it. All I could think about was my Grandma Price. About 4 years before she passed away she developed a blood clot and almost died. I remember my Mom telling us Grandma only had a 10% chance of living.  Then she lived.  

As my Dad and Brother Bob explained what they felt was the end of Mom's life, I knew she'd be fine in the morning...just like her mom was.

She wasn't fine. She died that night.

Ken got home from his Washington trip and the airport about 45 minutes after she died, we loaded up the car and drove to straight back, picking Gina up on the way...One year ago today.

Obligatory post.

Some days I don't really have anything to blog about but I kind of feel an obligation to post something, just so I don't fall out of the habit. Welcome to an obligatory post.

One year ago today I was on my lunch break, in the drive thru of Long John Silver's. I had already placed my order and was now in line to pay. My cell phone rang and it was my Dad. It's not uncommon for him to call me through out the day. I thought nothing of it. I answered my phone and this is how the conversation went.

Me: Hola!
Dad: Hi. What are you doing?
Me: Ordering a fish taco.
Dad: We're at the Dr. Mom's cancer is back. It's in her bones, her spine, on her chin and it stems from her breast.
Me: silent. tears coming at a rapid pace. What?!
Dad: We're at the doctor. Mom's cancer is back. It's in her bones, her spine, on her chin and it stems from her breast.
Me: What are they going to do about it? Is she going to be okay?
Dad: We're waiting to get our instructions. She'll probably start chemo in a week. She'll have surgery the beginning of next week to put a port in. If we don't do anything she has 6 months.
Me: more silence and tears. Ok.
Dad: are you okay?
Me: fine.

We hang up. I'm bawling as I get my stupid fish taco.

No treatment would have bought my mom 6 months to live.
Chemo killed her 28 days.

I hate cancer.

Tribute Video

While we were at Ensign Ranch last weekend, my little brother showed us this video he put together as a tribute to my mom. I've cut off the last song, which is more personal to our family, but I'm sharing the first 3 with you as a request from a couple of my friends.  Well done Kyle. You did a nice job.

Merry Christmas Momma!

To fully understand this post, if you haven't been reading my blog for a while, just click on the label 'Willow Tree Figurines'.

The short version, My mom thought willow tree figurines were creepy because they don't have faces.

 The last picture I had taken with my mom. January 22, 2010. Cancer has already metastisized. We didn't know. She was gone 34 days later.

Walking on broken glass

Once upon a time, last Christmas, I didn't have any Christmas spirit. I was looking at the same ornaments on the same tree that I'd been looking at for MANY years. To some this is comforting. To me, for many years, it was comforting. Not last year. I hated my tree. I hated the decorations. I wasn't happy with the weather. I didn't know what we were going to give the kids as gifts. It just wasn't a great year. Christmas kept getting closer and closer, as it always does, and I was not getting excited. I was homesick and unhappy.

Christmas morning arrived with little fanfare. We were woken up early by children who were excited and for the first time that season I was excited and happy! Then it was over. I was even more sad. I left my tree up until New Years Eve. I NEVER do that. I like it cleaned up on 12.26 before lunch.

When I finally got around to packing everything up I decided I was done with all the non-homemade ornaments. I had looked at them enough years. It was time to move on.

Some people donate old stuff when they are done with. We donate a lot of stuff we don't want anymore. But not breakables. Some people don't like the sound of broken glass and actually cringe a little. I LOVE IT!

It started when I was a baby. glass bottles + split entry stairwell with a rod iron railing = happy baby...until all the bottles were gone and mom didn't buy more. boo.

When we get new dishes, we find an empty dumpster and throw the glasses in one at a time. It's music to my ears.

I've digressed...30+ years!

Matthew got a bb gun for Christmas and was shooting at anything he thought he could get away with. When I was done packing all the Christmas stuff up, I asked him if he wanted to shoot the glass bulbs. Of course he did! We took over 20 minutes of video and I made it into a montage of sorts. The only thing missing was it the song, walking on broken glass. I was going to post the video from you tube so you could hear it, but the video is weird!   Anyway, here's the montage.

Hind sight, being perfect, I am glad I got rid of those old ornaments and we started something new this year. This is the first year with out my mom. I haven't actually spent Christmas with my family in many years, but I no longer the option with mom. This new tree, or the decorations rather, is (in my mind) a new start on an season that may never be the same for me.

That being said,

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Practicing the Organ...

I've been practicing the organ everyday.  Am I improving? Maybe. Will I stop ruining Sacrament Meeting? Hopefully. Today I played a hymn using the foot pedals. I've never done that before! You see, mom and I had a deal. When Ken got a job here and we moved back to Washington, she was going to teach me how to play the organ. We talked about that very thing in the middle of February, this year. So, here I am in Washington, trying to learn the organ. I'll get it. I'm just having to go about it a different way than I first hoped.

 Click on this picture below. Don't notice all the dust on the pedals that I didn't clean off. Notice my AWESOME plaid toenails. My niece, Regann painted them. She's a talented girl!

Here's a hymn for you, not using the pedals. Any organists out there that can give me tips, I'm open to them. I'll take all the help I can get in this area.

Early Birthday Present

Once upon a time I was a little girl who lived far away from my grandparents and all my cousins. A couple of times a year we would go visit them and the highlights of my visits were:

*Spending the night in my Uncle Steve and Aunt Marla's home

*Playing "Mother May I" in the playroom

*Riding in the mini car

*Sneaking into the 'orange room' when Mom and Grandma went to town so I could play the piano and the organ

*Eating honeycomb cereal for breakfast

*Seeing my aunts and uncles that came to visit at grandma's while we were there visiting.


Grandma died when I was 11 years old. Although there was a huge void in her home when we would visit, many things remained the same. Eventually the mini car died and we got too old to play 'Mother May I' but other than that, it was a lot the same. Grandpa would let us play the piano but we still had to wait for the grown-ups to leave so we could play the organ.


My senior year of high school grandpa gave the organ to my mom. I remember watching them bring it into the house. It was a novelty for a while so we got to play on it a little bit but as time went on and grandbabies started coming over, Mom eventually covered the keys with towels and no one was allowed to use it. (Play on it)


Mom died when my daughter, Nicole, was 11. (It's strange how much Nicole and I have in common...)many things are the same when we go visit mom and dad's house but there are some voids. The organ is still there and no one is allowed to touch it, without permission. I have practiced it a few times when I've gone over to visit.


Last night my dad gave me the organ. Ken and Dad worked together to surprise me as close to my birthday as possible. Last night as it was being unloaded I had many memories rush through my head. Playing it at grandma's, learning how to play 'Jesus Once Was a Little Child' for a video we sent to Ryan on his mission, and practicing it after mom has died. I thought about watching it being brought into the house and I spotted Nicole watching the same thing. More memories were born last night.


I'm excited to have an organ in my home. Two nights a week at the church practicing isn't enough to make me feel calm on many Sunday mornings, so now I get to practice everyday. I'm also sad to have this specific organ in my home. It truly means my mom had passed away. I have tangible proof in my home. I'm more grateful than sad that it's here. Thank you Ken and Dad for a wonderful birthday surprise!



The orange room. Looking at this picture makes me miss grandama right now. The only thing you can't see if the organ. On the right hand side you can see a small corner of the couch and the organ was right next to it. As a side note, the person who took this picture was standing in the entry way. It was a tile entry way and we used to put on our church shoes and 'tap' for grandma. I have cousins and an aunt who really can tap so she probably thought we were silly, but it was fun.

The organ at Mom and Dad's home. (Dad and I were working on funeral arrangements.) If you click on this picture, you will notice right behind my head the willow tree statue is standing there with her back to us. hahaha
The corner where the organ will go in my home.

The organ in the back of the van.

The bench and the stops in my front room

Ken and our friend James getting it out of the van.

It's in the doorway.

James, Yoshki and Ken got it down 'the stair' and into the front room.

Almost done

Ahhh, all done.

Here it is...in my front room. Ironically an orange (ish) one.

The view from the front window.

Thinking about my Mom

Tonight my thoughts have been about my mom. She died 7 1/2 months ago. It seems so long ago and like yesterday all at the same time.  Our relationship was different that many mother/daughter relationships.  We weren't super close. I lived over 1000 miles away and in the last 3 years of her life I only saw her 7 times. We spoke on the phone semi-often but it was strained...on my end anyway.  I had the chance to spend a week with my parents, without Ken or the kids, last January. The last time I saw my mom was when I hugged her goodbye at the airport. I told her I loved her and we hugged.  I got teary eyed, promised her I'd be back in the summer to visit her and hugged her again and told I loved her again.  As I waited in line to check my bag I turned back and watched dad drive away. At that moment I said to myself and maybe in a prayer also, I will see her again won't I? We knew she was sick with something but her cancer had not yet been discovered, even though it had already metastisized. Less than 2 weeks later we learned her cancer was back and 28 days after that we drove straight through from Kansas to Bremerton to attend her funeral. 

I'm  not telling you all this to get sympathy. At this moment, my blog is my journal or therapist. Here are some things I want to remember...or maybe I don't want to forget. Is that the same thing?

Mom thought Willow Tree Statues were creepy. Why don't they have face? It's just weird. She had 1 and it was on display in entertainment center, turned backwards. She didn't want to look at it. I was at home this weekend and it's still there, backs turned on everyone. It makes me laugh when I think about it now.

She wore big hair. She LOVED her big hair. When she was going through chemo the first time, I kind of thought she thought she lost her identity because she didn't have her beehive. When she finished chemo and her hair started growing back, she was the most beautiful I've ever seen her in my life. I wish she would have felt it or could have seen it. This time she was only on chemo for a couple weeks but it was long enough that she started losing her hair. Less than 48 hours before she died Gina gave her a haircut. She didn't shave her, but it was really short. Once again she looked very pretty. I feel sad that she didn't look like herself in her casket because her hair wasn't long and in an updo, even though Gina did a beautiful job on her hair.

She told me many times that she liked to practice the piano because she felt closer to her mom when she practiced than anywhere else.  When I practice I just cry a lot. It takes me hours to get through my 'hour a day' and then I just feel more and more insecure about my abilities.  She was so sure of herself in that area!

My birthday is in 10 days. Her's is 26 days after mine. We are 30 years apart and Nicole and I are 20 years apart. I loved the year we were 60, 30 and 10.  I'm sad we won't see 63, 33 and 13. It actually makes me nauseated thinking about it.

There is no good way to end this post. I miss her. A lot. I'd like to talk to her about my kids and homeschooling and how to get the timing right on the piano piece I'm working on. I'd also like to invite her over for dinner because this is the first place I've ever lived that she hasn't seen. I think she would have loved my new couches. Now how silly is that?

Please don't feel obligated to comment on this post. I think that is all for tonight.

Weekend Update...and a random photo too

Our family spent the weekend in Bremerton at my dad's house. He met us in Bellevue on Friday so we could attend the temple together. On a side note, WHAT A BLESSING it is to see my dad inside the walls of the temple! For so many years, he was absent. I'm so thankful! Before we headed home from the temple, we ate dinner at a little ma/pa restaraunt across the parking lot from Deseret Book.

Saturday and Sunday we watched all sessions of General Conference at the Bremerton Stake Center, minus the Priesthood Session. The guys drove up to Chimacum (as opposed to Chinook--what I noted in my last post) to attend that session with Ryan and eat ice cream afterwards.

Here are some of my favorites from conference:

Favorite Talk: I can never narrow it down here are my top 2--that tied for first place.

*Elder Larry R Lawrence 3rd talk, 5th session

*President Thomas S Monson 4th talk, RS General Meeting

Favorite Quote: At this point, some of you may be thinking, that's all fine and good, but what does it have to do with flying an airplane. Well, let me tell you... President Deiter F Uchtdorf

Favorite Song:

Both of them performed by the MTC Choir at the Priesthood Session.

*Hark All Ye Nations

*Called To Serve

There is something special in the voices of all missionaries that are just beginning their missions. They are beautiful.

I also loved Home, preformed by the family choir during the 2nd session. A LOT.

Favorite Moment:

Looking at both Nicole and Matthew listening to conference and taking notes. Sometimes they were drawing a picture or doodling, but I read the notes they took and they are good. It makes my heart smile.

After the 5th session of conference we went to the cemetery my mom is burried in. While we were there the kids took the time to find 'Grandpa Graves' ' grave also. He is not their grandpa, but he is their cousins' grandpa and he took them in too when we visited and told them to call him Grandpa. They like that they can visit both him and their grandma at the same cemetery. He was also a great example to me during my teenage years and I loved him very much. I miss him and my mom. A lot.

Next we went to Wendi and Larry's house and ate homemade french bread. It was delish.

We got home last night at 9:15 and we were all asleep by 9:30. It was a fun, spiritual and uplifting weekend. I love it.

Mother's Day 2010

Since I won't be making anymore new memories with my Mom, in honor of her on Mother's Day I thought I'd share a memory that I didn't realize how funny it was until I became a Mom of a mini me.

When I was a child I was helpful to a fault. I think children like that are typically called tattle tales and sometimes micro managers. I earned both titles as a child. I just called myself helpful.

One time when we lived in Meridian Idaho my Mom was mad at my older brother (who shall remain unnamed-i only have 1) and she said something to him along the lines of 'I'm so mad I don't even know what to say!' Or 'I can't come up with the words to say to you...' You get the idea.

Well I overheard this exchange and immediately my helpful personality went into overdrive. I knew exactly what to do to 'help' my Mom!

Mom had a mouth on her. There were words she said we knew we weren't allowed to say and we also knew when she felt it appropriate to say them. I knew this was one of those times, so she must have just forgotten what those words were! I quickly ran downstairs, found paper and a marker and made her a list of those words. I whispered them so I could figure out how to spell them. When I felt the list was complete I happily went upstairs to give her the list. I was surprised to learn she didn't find the list helpful! She took it and sent me downstairs VERY unhappy.

Looking back I'm not sure if she was truly mad or if she was acting that way to keep from laughing. I think I'd probably be trying not to laugh.

I truly thought it was a great idea to make that list for her! Who knew?!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

10 more things...

10 things I learned from my Mom/remember her saying...repeatedly. (Written for my own memory)



1. When cleaning your bedroom, make your bed first. She'd tell me to clean my room, I'd go in there and sleep. She'd tell me again, I'd say I don't know where to start. She'd tell me to make my bed first. It makes the room seem cleaner already. I'd clean my whole room, minus the bed and ask her if I could skip that part. Why make your bed if you're just going to get back in it? I'm still not very good at making my bed, but I tell me kids to make their bed first, everytime I tell them to clean their room.

2. She taught me how to (Stmht) clean a bathroom. Including corners, around the floor boards and behind/around the toilet. I guess I didn't do it good enough the first 100 times. haha

3. Stmht talk to people. Because of the way I grew up, I am not afraid to talk to a stranger, give a talk in church, or be told no when I'm trying something new. If it doesn't work out, it's not my fault and I am not going to give up.

4. Stmht make and tie a quilt.

5. She told me to sleep in rollers as often as I can. You never know who you're going to meet. Mistle Toe in your hair at Christmas...sure! (I did NOT do these and rolled my eyes everytime she told me, but she did recommend them)

6. It's better to be 30 minbutes early than 5 minutes late.

7. Don't ever beg. Ask once, if they say no, find someone else. (seriously! It's a yes or no question people!)

8. Mom introduced me to musicals. I LOVE MUSICALS!

9. Because of her example I LOVE road trips. If Ken can't go, that's really too bad and we'll miss him, but we're going anyway! I'm not afraid of a long drive, going to places I've never been. Bring it on!

10. She had the CRAZIEST ideas on the type of clothes I should wear and how I should fix my hair. I did my best to listen and then did things my own way. I never understood that those crazy ideas were innocent suggestions until I started giving my great ideas to Nicole and I saw the SAME FACE I used to give my mom-behind her back.

11. Mom once told me if she wanted me to learn a certain song on the piano, all she had to do was play it a few times in front of me. I didn't listen to her when she gave me a piano assignment, but if I liked what I was hearing, I wanted to play it too. It worked!

a bonus memory...

When I was in elementary school Mom would sometimes fix my hair for church on Sundays and put fancy hair things in. She made some of them out of long dangly ear rings and I LOVED THEM! I was looking for them when I was in WA at her funeral but I vaguely remember her throwing them out. So sad.

Today my parents would have been married for 41 years. Families are forever!

The rest of the story

Thank you to all my friends that have called me, written me, prayed for me, commented on my blog, and sent me messages on facebook.

Your support has carried me the last couple of weeks and I am grateful.

This post if mostly for journaling purposes. If you don't enjoy looking at pictures of caskets then you may want to wait until I post again. Either way, thanks for stopping by.

My mom's funeral was on March 3, 2010 at 11am in Bremerton, WA at the LDS Church on Perry Ave. She was layed to rest after the service at Mountain View Cemetery in Silverdale, WA. It was well attended.

Pallbearers from L to R: Adam Anderson, Barry Sams, Larry Graves, Farrell James, Garen Anderson, Kyle Anderson, Ken Cheney, Ryan Anderson

My family with my dad.

In most loving memory...

My Mom passed away on February 25, 2010. I'm still pretty speechless, nothing I can say would be good enough and I'm not really thinking clearly anyway. I've gone through and found some of my favorite pictures of her. They are out of order, but I love each one of them and will always cherish them. I love my Mom so much and will miss her terribly.

She taught me how to sew.
She taught me how to throw a party.
She taught me how to work.
She taught me how to clean a bathroom.
She made my wedding dress and did all the flowers and catered it.
She made me crazy sometimes.
Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep at night because I was so homesick.
She taught me how to play the piano.
She was completely surprised when she came to my house for Thanksgiving the first time and realized that I can cook.
She was my only beautician until 2002.

Oh how I miss her!

Memory Lane

I'm a para at an elementary school and I work in a special ed classroom. We have children in 1st, 2nd, 4th and 5th grade. Throughout the day, we take each grade group to the regular ed classroom for different subjects such as Music, P.E., Social Studies, Science and Handwriting. Our 1st grader also gets to go for story time.

In the 4th grade class, they are making timelines of their life. It's really neat to see the children tell about the events in their lives that are important to them, as 9 year olds. It is also sad to see the children from my class who have no memory of yesterday, let alone what they did in 1st grade or even last week!

I've decided to share a couple of memories from when I was in elementary school. If you don't really care...stay tuned, I have some funny pictures I'll be posting in a little bit.

Kindergarten...I went to Kindergarten at Meridian Primary in Meridian, Idaho. My teacher was Mrs. Dahl. I remember getting up on my first day of school and I my Mom took my picture in front of the curtains in the 'Blue Room'. I walked to school with a girl who's Grandma lived down the street. That winter when the snow was finally starting to melt, I remember walking home from school and falling down on my rear no less than 20 times. My friends and I would make it a goal to take 5 steps without falling. Sometimes we walked in homeowners grass, but there was a really mean guy who always yelled at us, so we stayed out of his yard. One day I fell 3 times walking back his house. My teacher gave us grahama crackers with frosting everyday for snack and our own carton of milk. I only went to school half-day so that was very exciting to me. I remember that last day of school. I didn't know it was the last day until we was hugging us all goodbye and one little girl gave our teacher a gift. I told her I would bring her a gift the next day but she said school was over and I wouldn't be able to.

The Melting Pot

Thursday night I was able to go out to dinner with my parents and Gina at my most favorite restaraunt, The Melting Pot. It's a fondue restaraunt. We were there for a little over 2 hours. The conversation was nice and the food was great, as always. While we were on the ferry, Gina and I took a few pics of us together. We were pretty happy with how some of them turned out, so I thought I'd share those as well.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my Mom's Birthday. You would think this would be an easy post to write about, but for so many reasons I find myself emotional thinking about her. She was diagnosed with breast cancer just over 2 years ago. After a long struggle, chemo, losing all her hair, not to mention having to go through 2 surgeries, words can not expres how thankful I am that she is alive today to celebrate her birthday. As I have thought about what I would share about her, I've decided to share some of the things I've learned from my Mom. I invite any of my siblings who read this blog, to add to the lists, using commentary.

Some of the things I've learned from my Mom...

*Make your bed first when you clean your room.

*It's better to be 30 minutes early than 5 minutes late.

*You don't need to beg a person to do something, if they say no, find someone else.

*She taught me how to be confident, or at least appear confident. Nobody needs to know if I'm nervous about something or not.

*Never say no when extended a calling, and do that calling the best way you can.

*My Mom taught me how to play the piano, sew a dress, and clean a bathroom.

*The only place to get married is in the temple.

*Vacuum the living room before you go to bed so you wake up to a clean space.

*She taught how us how to throw a party.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am very opinionated. Throughout the years, I have chosen (unwisely) to share my opinions with my mom when they weren't the kindest things I could have said to her. At times I have been hurtful and/or uncaring. In our family, open communication has not always been our strongest suit, so there have been times that I've felt that my relationship with my Mom was not as strong as it could or should be, to nobody's fault but my own. I live pretty far away and I have for 8+ years, but I've never lived as far away as we do now, in Kansas. I didn't call home very often because I knew I'd see her in a month or so. I find myself wishing she was closer, wanting her to show me how to do things that she's shown me 100 times, or just wishing we could go out for lunch.

Mom, on your birthday, (and on everyday) I want you know how much I love you! I'm thankful for all the things you have taught me both through instruction and by example. I wish we lived closer so we could visit more often. Thank you for all you've done for me and my family.

Something I feel like I should share

Have you ever had an experience in your life, where you are not ashamed or embarrassed of it, but you feel like it doesn't really need to be completely disclosed to everyone you know?

This weekend was stake conference for our ward/stake. I had a lot of time to think while we were traveling each way to the stake center on Saturday & Sunday (85 miles one way).

We had our area authority Elder Randy D. Funk attend our conference this weekend. Before the adult session on Saturday night, all the Elders Quorum Presidents and their wives were invited to eat dinner with him in the Relief Society room, along with the Stake Presidency & the Stake RS President. Ken and I were privileged to be among the few in attendance. Just eating in the same room as this man brought the spirit and it was a nice prelude to a great meeting that evening.

While sitting in the evening session I felt like I needed to write down my testimony. I’ve done that several times through out my life and as I started to write it during a musical number I felt like I needed to share more than I already have.

In order for a person to know me a little better and to get a glimpse of WHY I believe something and why I LOVE the church and was it stands for, I need to share with you the story of my 3rd child, Robert. I wasn’t sure this was the proper medium to share such a special experience, but as I have thought more about it, I know this is where I am supposed to share “my story”.

From March 2001 to May 2002 we lived in Orem, Utah. We weren’t really sure why we made the decision to move there. It was for sure a shotgun move. When I became pregnant with our 3rd baby, we were grateful to be there because the neonatal care in the Salt Lake Valley is the best in the country.

On October 31, 2001 I was scheduled for my routine ultrasound to find out the sex of our growing baby and of course to make sure s/he was developing correctly. I’m ashamed to tell you right off that I knew we would never have a child with any kind of “problem” so everything except the finding out the sex was just something we had to go through. How silly of me, I know.

As the Ultrasound Tech was looking at the baby, I felt it was taking longer than normal. I didn’t say anything, I just waited patiently for her to reveal the important part—are we having a girl or a boy?! After a while she told Ken and I that she was having a problem seeing the baby’s heart clearly but it looked like there could be a hole in her heart. She also told us that she had a bilateral cleft lip and it appeared that her foot was clubbed. The best news we got from this meeting was, it baby is a girl! Before we left, she let us know that except for the cleft lip, everything else was just speculation. She made an appointment for us to go to UVRMC in Provo, and meet with a perinatologist and to get another ultrasound—THE NEXT DAY. (The official definition of a perinatologist is an obstetrical sub-specialist concerned with the care of the mother and fetus at higher-than-normal risk for complications.) After that appointment, I went home SICK and convinced myself that the only problem with our sweet little girl was a cleft lip with possible palette and that was easily fixable.

The next morning I arrived early to my appt. in Provo and waited patiently. When the Dr. called me in I got on the table and he went right to work performing my ultrasound. He looked for a while and then started talking about terms I never thought I’d hear a Dr. talk to me about…Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18, amniocentesis, I think I quit listening before he quit talking. He wanted to do an amniocentesis TODAY, and I had 5 minutes to decide if I wanted one or not.

At the time we only had a cell phone and I was selfish that morning and took it with me, so when I had to make this decision I couldn’t call the one person who needed to know what was going on the most—KEN. I had to call someone else to help me make the decision. Of course my 2nd choice was to call my Mom. I am so thankful she was there, but I also feel bad that she found out before Ken what was going on. Anyway, when she answered the phone, I told her through constant sobbing that the baby was really sick and they needed to do an amniocentesis, but I couldn’t tell them to do it on my own. I had to have somebody tell me it was okay to go through it and my Mom was there for me. She also told me to get a blessing before they did it.

Reason # 73 why we were supposed to be in Utah during this time of our life, all I had to do was tell my Dr. I needed a blessing and 2 minutes later 2 guys with oil showed up and gave me one. In that blessing I was promised that I would not lose the baby because of the procedure I had elected to have AND that from this baby I would be able to see how much Heavenly Father loves me. I had my amniocentesis, and 10 days later I learned that the baby did not have Trisomy 13, 18 OR 21. Instead she had her own special brand of genetic problem, partial Trisomy X—Monosomy 14. I’ll explain what these terms mean in a moment. The other thing we found out was that we were indeed having a BOY. He for sure had the Y Chromosome.

Everyone has 2 of each chromosome except for the sex chromosome in males. 1-22 have 2 of each and they are “married” or stuck to each other. Females have 2 X chromosomes and Males have 1 X and 1 Y. When a baby is made, if the sperm has an X chromosome, the baby is a girl, of it has a Y chromosome, it’s a boy. The mother can only contribute an X sex chromosome. A trisomy is when you have an extra chormosome. Down Syndrome is 3 #21 Chormosomes. I, Dedra Charlet Anderson Cheney, have translocated chromosomes. That means my X and my 14 chromosomes are NOT married correctly. (They are social.) I have 1 ½ X and ½ a 14, and then I have 1 ½ 14 and ½ an X. Confused? So sorry! Robert, had an extra ½ an X and was missing ½ of a 14. My specialist Dr’s had never seen this specific case before, so we made medical history.

This also meant that there was little information for Ken and I to read up on. Throughout the next few weeks, we met with every kind of baby specialist I never knew existed. 2 echo cardio grams, more than 50 ultrasounds, surgical specialists and so on. Time moved very slowly as we inched our way closer to the day our baby would be born and we would be living at the hospital while he had surgeries and recovered. In the back of my mind I knew he would probably never come home, but I could not say that out loud. So while Ken and I grew closer as a couple and loved our kids more than ever before, I also found all my baby boy clothes that I would need, washed the infant seat cover and planned a funeral.

Fast forward to January 2002. Each day after my routine ultrasound, I called my Mom, my Dad & my sister Heather and updated them. On the 8th my Dad told me he was sending my Mom the next day so she would be here when the baby was born and I was ANGRY!! The baby was not due for another 10 days or so and I was not showing any sign of having him sooner. Ken dropped me off at the hospital on the 9th and went to the airport. While he was gone, my Dr told me that my blood pressure had spiked to 376/234 and that every hour I stayed pregnant, increased the chance of a stillbirth and that I needed to have the baby today. I told her that was impossible, my Dad wasn’t in town yet. For the first time, I was also spoken to about my expectations concerning the health and vitality of my baby. When she asked me how I felt about having the baby I told her I was scared because I didn’t think he was going to live very long, and she replied, “Neither do I.”

They put me on Magnesium Sulfate (something to bring my BP down and I don’t know what else) and waited for Ken and my Mom and Sister to arrive. When they got there, Dr came into the room and told them the same thing she told me about needing to have the baby and then said I’d need to be transported to SLC and the University of Utah. Ken said he’d get the car ready and Dr said I wouldn’t be going by car, I was at a high risk of seizures because of my BP. She then said I’d be life flighted to U of U by helicopter. Heather then said, “Can I ride with her?” Dr looked at her funny and said No.

Within the hour I was moved to SLC and my Dad had been called to get to Utah NOW. We also made arrangements with the Drs to have the baby the next day so my Dad could be at the hospital.


The night was long with a lot of Dr. visits. One that still comes to mind was when a med student came into my room to look at my chart. I told him he’d want to study my case closely because they don’t along like very often. His only reply was, “You aren’t a case, you are a family.” I just started crying, thanked him and agreed. He’ll be a good Dr.

My Dad got into town early Thursday morning. Once he was in Salt Lake Valley, they started pitocin and I progressed to a 4. Then they gave am an epidural and I went from 4 to baby in 43 minutes. Robert Kenneth Cheney was born on January 10, 2002 at 1:47 pm and died 1 hour and 47 minutes later. During that time, Ken and my Dad gave him a name and blessing. In that same blessing he was released from this life. During that time, I watched him take his only breaths, I saw him smile, and he was held and loved by his 4 grandparents, Kent & Charlet Anderson and Keith and Cheryll Cheney. He was also held by his aunt Heather. Ken and I held him the whole time he was alive and he died in my arms.

I was moved to an area of the hospital that was for mothers who didn’t get to keep their babies in this life. I had serious complications through the night but I was stable by mid morning and they released me so I could get to the mortuary.

At the mortuary we let the Funeral Director know that my Dad and brother Adam had built Robert’s casket, our friend Judy Richards had lined it and made his outfit and the Ken and I would dress him, then we’d drive him back to Bremerton, WA in our car for his funeral and burial. We did just that.

Robert was buried on a freezing cold Thursday in January—the 17th, in Bremerton WA. Our dear friends, Pam and Bob Sommer, (Robert is named after "Brother Bob") transported him in their van from the church to the cemetery after a funeral that had more than 100 people in attendance. How thankful I was and I still am for all the support we received from friends and family.

Ken flew home to Utah 3 days later because of bad snow in the passes. My Mom drove the kids and me home 4 days after that. She stayed for about a week.

While Ken was home by himself he had a lot of time to think. On the way home I was talking to Ken on the phone and he asked me what I thought about him becoming a Funeral Director/Embalmer. I hated the idea for 2 seconds, then I was all for it.

When I got home we started researching Funeral Service, and we found out you had to do your apprenticeship before your school. I sent resumes all over Utah and Washington. Within 2 months he was offered an apprenticeship in Sunnyside, WA, only 4 hours from Robert’s grave and my family. His pay was $5 more an hour than the standard apprentice. We were truly being blessed. Just as getting his apprenticeship was fairly easy; he also had an easy time getting into school. We truly have been blessed.

Now is the time that I could easily tell you of all the heartache our family has suffered through because of the death of a child, but I’d rather tell you that I LOVE my family, Jesus Christ, and his church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Its focus is on families.

Ken and I were married in the temple. Because of this choice I KNOW we will be married for eternity and that our kids are our kids throughout eternity as well. I feel blessed to know that I will get to raise Robert after I die as long as I live my life according to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I LOVE the Book of Mormon and the Bible. The scriptures are amazing!! I’ve never gone to them and not found an answer to my questions or concerns.

I am thankful for Joseph Smith who translated the Book of Mormon and organized the church in this dispensation.

I will always have a special spot in my heart Gordon B Hinckley—the prophet during my teenage years and 10 years of being married woman, the time that my testimony started to grow and now is firmly planted.

I love Thomas S Monson, our current prophet as well. I know the church is in good hands.

I am thankful for my friends and family. Each one of you who is reading this had helped me in some way to get out of bed on a bad day, to smile when I just wanted to cry. You have let me hold your babies and not been offended when I didn’t want to. You have hugged me on the anniversary date, brought our family dinner, and not been offended when you easily could have been because of my lack of return in a friendship. I’m sorry to those of you who got that end of the bargain.

This January will be 7 years since the death of our 3rd child. As much as we want to have more kids and have gone through several fertility treatments to become pregnant, that is not in Heavenly Father’s plan for us at this time.
Now I try to make each day a memory for my kids. I am preparing for the future phases my kids will go through but I’m not trying to grow them up. I just thank Heavenly Father each day for Nicole & Matthew and the opportunity I have to be a mother on earth and to raise these 2 fantastic children. They help and teach me so much everyday. All I can say is that I am thankful.