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Thursday, December 9, 2010

FAQ

Some of you may have noticed my clever profile description written by my clever self.

 I am a Wife to 1, Mother to 4,
Daughter to 2, Sister to 7, Aunt to 23,
Niece to 20 and a friend too.
Amway Jason from the Gym
is NOT one of those friends!

The FAQ I will address today is Who is Amway Jason from the gym.

When we lived in Great Bend, Matthew had a friend in his class named Matthew. They liked to play together after school. They also liked to greet each other. Hi Matthew! Hi Matthew! How's it going Matthew? Great Matthew! See ya later Matthew! Bye Matthew!  They thought they were sooo clever. I actually thought so too. 

One evening, approximately 1 day before Thanksgiving, my Matthew C was playing over at Matthew E's house. Ken went to pick him up. He was there for a loooong time. When he got home he told he had made a new best friend. He said Matthew's dad is so funny. They have so much in common. I invited them over for dinner. Tonight. (Me: WHAT?!?!?!!?!?)

That evening Matthew's family came over for dinner. His mom was really nice. A manager at Walmart and a hard worker. His older brother was a 15 year old teenage boy. He didn't really want to be at our house and we didn't really have anything to offer him for entertainment except our Xbox. He kindly deleted all our profiles and made his own. He had a little sister who was 4 years old. We all know how awesome 4 year old girls are. I just wasn't interested in 4 year old girls that evening, so we allowed her to torture Nicole the whole evening. His dad, Jason, was a whole other story. He walked in telling really bad jokes and laughing hysterically at them. He kept telling me how uncanny is was that he and Ken were so much alike. (They are nothing alike.)  He was self employed and spent much of time managing the 6 games on facebook that was publicly addicted to.

Oh, the whole time this conversation was taking place, Ken wasn't home. A lady decided to die and he got a free ticket out of this impromptu dinner party.

When they left LATE that evening (past midnight) I kindly informed Ken that he and Jason were NOTHING alike and then I told him I'd pray for him so he might get a better sense of self.

Time went on and Ken invited their family over for dinner a couple more times but sadly they couldn't come because being a manager at Walmart during the Christmas season left little room for eating dinner in stranger's homes.

During this same time, Ken and I decided that we were going to give weight loss another go and join the local gym. We successfully joined the gym and unsuccessfully accomplished weight loss. Ironically, Matthew E's parents had a membership to the same gym! While Ken and Jason used the elliptical machines, Jason educated Ken about this amazing sports drink he was using. He asked Ken in if he's be interested in trying and Ken said sure. There was just one catch. It couldn't be bought in stores. Luckily, Jason has a business on the side, (because his main focus was facebook) and we could buy the sports drink from Jason. Ken thought that was interesting and asked what the business was. The answer...Amway.  Actually, quickstar, but it's the same business with a new name, all internet based.

Ken listened to his spill, speel, speal ? (no idea, help Rhonda!) I told Ken NO WAY. We weren't buying from him, I wasn't talking to him, we aren't going to his house to listen to a meeting, I don't want to borrow a CD. Jason was relentless.

Each evening when Ken and I would go to the gym, we would take 2 cars because if Jason was there I wasn't going in. Hence the name, Amway Jason from the gym.

Every year we have a New Years Eve party. (Except this year, our first year in 10+ years w/o having one.) We invited some of our friends from the ward and their families. It is a child friendly party. About 4 days before the party Ken told me he invited Matthew E's family. I was really mad. See response to when he invited them over to dinner the first time.  Ken told me not to worry, he didn't think they would be able to make it. I felt a little relieved but not completely. On the day of the party, Ken told me he'd finally heard back from Jason. Their kids were going to spend New Years Eve with some of their friends and his wife had to work late, but he would be able to make it.

He.Came. Alone.

Our plan was to play Apples to Apples, eat a lot of food, laugh a lot and then at midnight ring in the new year and say good night to our guests by 12:15. Sometimes this happens, sometimes the party goes till 5am. We were hoping for the first because of AJFTG, not our other friends who are completely fun and awesome.

The party started at 9. Only one other family was able to make because in a ward with large boundaries you don't always live just down the street from your friends. We did live down the street from most of our friends, those streets just happened to be 20-45 miles long.

Jason showed up almost on time. Through out the entire, LOOOONG evening, he kept telling us how hyper he was feeling. He would tell jokes, that weren't funny, and laugh at himself. Then he would explain that he is normally funnier and he didn't seem to understand what was happening. Maybe it was because he was so hyper.

He successfully ruined a game of Apples to Apples. It was NOT fun. At. All.

Finally, midnight came. Our friends ditched us with this guy at 12:01 am.  Okay, about a quarter after.  Then all that was left, was Jason. The horror!  At 1 in the morning, when he was still talking, Ken sat down on the couch, and FELL ASLEEP! Leaving ever so eloquent and caring me to listen to this guy. Faking interest is not my strong suit. If I don't care, I. Don't. Care! At 1:30, I woke Ken up and told him to go to bed. Then said I was going to go to bed also. Jason kept talking....At 2, Ken stood up and walked down the hall, leaving me alone. Again. At 2:15 I stood up, opened the door and said to Jason, It's been real. Have a good night. I'm tired.

He left 5 minutes later. I slammed the door...on accident. But I was happy it closed so loudly.

I tried to never speak to him again. When I accidentally saw him at the gym, I turned the other way immediately. I wore ear phones, even when I didn't have my music.

I am not Christ like.

And that, is the rest of the story.

ps, I'm going to write a book series kind of like Curious George.

AMJFTG goes to Walmart
AMJFTG does Disneyland
AMJFTG gets fired from facebook.

I like the sound of it.

The stuffed plush will be of a guy who wears high tops with gray sweats and dirty T-shirts. Reddish brown hair and a greasy face.

Anyone with deep pockets interested in backing this venture? Call me.

5 comments:

  1. That is quite a story. I love the fact that you have reduced the guy to only initials - AJFTG. He doesn't even deserve the energy spent typing the full name.

    ps, I could illustrate if you choose to finish the book. it could be like one of those Dick and Jane books - see AJFTG run (from Dedra). See AJFTG annoy. or whatever else he decides to do. :)

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  2. I've been so curious to know who this Amway Jason from the Gym is.... wow, you guys are a LOT nicer than me!!

    Thanks for the blog invite, I feel special :) Really.

    okay, I am so not familiar with Idaho... Where's Twin Falls? I am SO in! :) oh, and by the way, I do not sell Amway or anything!! ha ha ha

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  3. I need to catch up on your last posts...

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  4. I've had experiences like that. You had christlike patience, that's an attribute.

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  5. Why do I get the feeling you only privatized your blog just so you could tell this story?!

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